- My essay’s most notable strength was my personal experience in my introduction. It was able to hook my reader in. I wrote, “My younger brother is confined to a wheelchair, as he has cerebral palsy. Every time we go out into the world as a family, we always get some stares. As I started to get older I would try and decipher the stares. Some meant “Oh I’m so sorry you have to deal with this” or “Wow”, but most meant “Why would you bring him to do stuff? He’s in a wheelchair”. After a while we ignored the stares and I often wondered if my brother ignored them too. People would look at him and judge his abilities based on his appearance, as we so often do in society today.” I had a strong personal connection come through with this quote and used it to ease into my thesis.
- I think with my second essay I had an easier time with revising my explanations of the quotes I chose. This time around I had more detailed quotes and then in turn, it made my analysis more comprehensive.
- In my essay, I used short transition sentences to intro my quotes and explain how they fit into my bigger picture.
- My strongest claim is: “The idea of empathetic thinking requires you to be conscious and present in your life.” I think this is my strongest claim because it is direct and has detail.
- My thesis statement from my first essay was: “Social media has its benefits, however, its excessive usage desensitizes, causes personal communication deficiencies, and negates the ability to recognize social cues.” My second thesis statement was: “Skills such as empathetic thinking, listening to others, and becoming well adjusted are important to have in my college toolkit in order to live in the moment everyday.”. My first thesis statement is stronger. It has specific detail. While they both have the three idea method, my second thesis statement had less detail in the second half.
